The End of an Illusion
by Kirby's Cowgirl
Summary: A Blue McCall/Alex West story set before D Day Blue continues to grieve for Danny, Alex finally accepts that her marriage to Bill West is over


Copyright 9/14 by Kirby's Cowgirl

This is fan fic, and not for profit, no copyright infringement intended

The End of an Illusion

It was such a simple thing really. If you were a man, anyway. It all but took an act of Congress if you were a WAC. Bill could have come to see her any time in the two months that she'd been stationed here, and he hadn't bothered. Maureen Black's sweet little Corporal came every weekend without fail, except once when he hadn't been able to get a pass. And then he'd sent chocolates _and_ flowers to his wife.

Cass and Trish both had dates with soldiers they'd known in Africa. She wasn't exactly sure what Blue was doing, but figured it wasn't any of her business. They were all off duty. She hadn't seen Bill in almost seven months. How could it have been that long?

It was ridiculous. They weren't allowed to go anywhere without an escort. They had a driver and an MP to guard them. Both of them were green kids, the driver couldn't get the knack of shifting and constantly ground the gears. She actually thought the MP's rifle wasn't loaded, but she was more than capable of defending them if necessary. The kid would have probably wet his pants if he knew how much artillery the women were carrying.

"Let me off here, please." Blue said, spotting her hotel. She rolled her eyes when the MP got out and picked up her bag for her. "I hope you have a nice time, Alex." The look she shot at Cass and Trish said that she wasn't counting on it. "Tell the guys I said hello."

"Hope you have a good time too!" Alex said.

"I hope you find out what you want." Cass said.

"What's she doing?" Alex asked as the car pulled away from the curb.

"Oh, she found some guy who was in Africa with our guys and she had this idea that he might have seen Danny." Trish looked as if she were going to start crying. "If he tries anything with her -"

"Blue's a big girl." Cass reminded her.

"But she's still really gullible when it comes to Danny."

"_If_ he hurts her, I'll make things really unpleasant for him." Alex said, and they had no doubt she meant it.

Ten minutes later, the car stopped in front of their hotel. "Do I look ok?" Alex asked, then wondered why in the heck she bothered. She had hoped, though she knew better, that Bill might be waiting outside for her. They were a little bit early, but not much.

"You look fine, sweetie." Cass patted her hand. "I think we're early." It was no excuse. Patrick and Ian would have been standing in front of the hotel a full thirty minutes before they were due to arrive, with flowers. Danny would have had flowers _and_ chocolates. Cass had told Patrick to stop buying her candy, that she was getting fat. Blue always shared hers though. And Mac would have had some little trinket for all the girls. They had all been wonderful men. And now they were all _dead._ She turned her head, trying to hide her tears.

"Try not to wreck the car." Alex told the driver. "You make sure you get it to motorpool, and have it gassed up before we leave. You're both at liberty until noon tomorrow."

"Ma'am, I'm supposed to guard you." The MP stammered.

"Honey, I don't even think your rifle is loaded. Try not to shoot yourself in the foot. My husband is a Captain in the Rangers, and I doubt he would appreciate you implying he can't look after me."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you." The guard flushed, looked at his rifle confusedly, and Alex had to bite her jaw to keep from laughing out loud. She stopped him when he would have carried their luggage into the hotel. The three of them stood at the entrance until the car pulled away with a grinding of gears that made all of them wince.

"_Ma'am, I'm supposed to guard you!"_ Trish said, "Give me a break! Ian would have knocked him silly." She swallowed hard, looked like she was going to start crying herself.

"Alex, are you sure that Bill could get liberty this weekend?" Cass asked. She was pretty sure the jackass did whatever he wanted, but didn't want to hurt Alex's feelings.

"I told Sally I'd drop in on her if he was busy." Alex shrugged. Now she was wondering why she had even come. Her marriage had been a sham from the start. It wasn't as if the War was going to make Bill decide that he loved her. She had never loved him, but she did like him most of the time. He was good to horses and dogs, and could be highly entertaining when he chose to be.

"Hey! You're early!" The Sergeant climbed over a table, to the amusement of his friends, and grabbed Trish and kissed her soundly, before planting one on Cass. He would have kissed Alex as well if she hadn't put up a hand to stop him.

"Whoa, soldier, I have a -" she had been scanning the room and saw Bill. _With a barmaid in his lap_. She was going to kill him.

"Hey Cass!" Another Sergeant walked up and kissed her cheek, reached and squeezed Trish's hand. "Ma'am." He nodded politely to Alex.

"Y'all have fun." Alex said, smiling. These were two nice men. They would show the girls a good time, and lord knows, after what they'd been thru, they deserved it.

"Alex, do you want to come with us?" Trish asked, putting a restraining hand against her soldier, who looked like he was never going to let her go. She'd never seen Bill before, but she knew of his reputation. And she'd realized that Alex's demeanor had changed when she saw the Captain with the barmaid in his lap.

"Have fun." Alex said again, and looked back to Bill, only to see that he had relieved himself of the barmaid and was headed her way.

"Honey, you're early." He said, kissing the top of her head.

"Would it have mattered?" she hissed in his ear. She _really, really_ wanted to kick him, but settled for smiling instead.

He slid his arm around her waist and reached down and picked up her bag. "I got us a room."

Typical Bill. _"Let's go to bed." _ She didn't think so, but she wasn't going to make a scene. She walked upstairs with him, seething.

"I was just havin' a little fun." Bill said, as he closed the door behind them.

"Is it necessary for you to throw all your women in my face? You knew I was coming!" Alex stopped. Dammit. She was not going to fight with him. She could just find the back stairs and go and visit Sally. Cass and Trish deserved their weekend and she wasn't going to spoil it for them.

"I didn't mean to upset you." Bill said stiffly. She had never even acknowledged his other women before. Something about her was different, and he didn't think he liked it. Maybe command had gone to her head.

"You never do." She took a deep breath. "Have you written your Mother lately?"

The guilty look on his face confirmed what she already knew. "You should be ashamed of yourself. I don't even know why I bothered to come." She reached down and picked up her bag. "I'll just go stay with Sally."

"I'm sorry."

She looked at him, and had the feeling that he _might_ be telling the truth. But she wasn't sure it even mattered anymore.

"Let's go have a drink and get some dinner, and I'll drive you over to Sally's later. Have you heard from Ma?" he actually looked homesick.

"Last week. I brought you the letter."

"Thanks." He looked like he wanted to say something else, but finally just said, "Let's have a drink."

Blue checked into her room and freshened up. She knew she was early, but she was nervous. If he wasn't there yet, she could just have a cup of tea and wait on him. The lobby was full of soldiers. Maybe some of them had been in Africa. She would show Danny's photo to every one of them -

Cass and Trish had both told her not to come. That there were men who would tell her anything she wanted to hear for what they thought they could get. She knew that, she wasn't an idiot. But sometimes she just felt like Danny was looking for her as hard as she was looking for him.

"I'm supposed to meet a Lieutenant Richard Brandon." She told the waiter at the dining room entrance.

"That's me." An English Officer sitting in a chair, with half a bottle of whiskey in front of him, tried to get up.

"That's ok." Blue sank down in the chair next to him, realizing he had an artificial leg. He was also well on his way to getting drunk.

"What can I do for you, ma'am?" He asked sadly. "I have a meeting with a Sergeant Ambergris in a few minutes but maybe I can help you later."

"I'm Sergeant Ambergris." Blue said.

"Oh." He looked confused.

"I didn't think you'd talk to me if I told you I was a woman. I know you were in Africa the same time as my husband's squad and I just wondered if maybe you knew him? Danny McCall?" she asked hopefully. At the confused look on his face, "We didn't ask permission to get married and I didn't change my name. I didn't want Danny getting in trouble but I don't guess it matters now." Her eyes filled with tears.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry" he shrugged helplessly. "I met a lot of men, I never knew their names."

She pulled their wedding photo from her pocket. "It's the only picture of him I have." And it was so treasured, so precious, that she never showed it to anyone. It was carefully wrapped in oilskin and kept in a box in her purse.

"I'm sorry." He handed her the photo back.

She offered him a photo she'd borrowed from Trish, of the rest of the squad. Patrick, Ian, with Trish on his lap on course, and big Mac, all of them roaring drunk. She thought either Danny or Cass had taken it.

"Him, I knew." He tapped on Mac's face. "He beat the shit out of me." Blue giggled in spite of herself and he flushed. "I beg your pardon, ma'am. I haven't been around ladies in a very long time."

"That's alright. I think Mac beat the shit out of everybody at least once."

Blue didn't realize that tears were sliding down her face as she placed her treasured photos back in her purse.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you." He looked distressed. "You were very kind to me when I was in the hospital." At her confused look, "I didn't remember you at first. You came with some other WACS and wrote letters and played poker. You wrote to my wife for me." He sighed, and she saw the raw pain that was still there. "She ran off with Jody when she found out I lost my leg."

"I'm sorry." Blue said, appalled. "I still want to buy you dinner."

"I've had too much to drink and I'm not sure I can get up." He looked sheepish now.

"I'll help you." When he shook his head, "I'll get some of the men out of the dining room." She didn't care if he was embarrassed or not, he was going to eat with her and not spend the rest of the night drowning his sorrows in a bottle. She had the horrified thought that he might try to run off, but when she came back with two soldiers, he'd managed to struggle unsteadily to his feet.

"Thank you." He said. "I'm afraid I've had too much to drink and I don't want to knock this kind lady down." The two men just walked on either side of him and he got off balance a few times but managed to right himself, and they helped him sit down before one of them seated Blue in her chair.

"Thank you." Blue said to both of them.

"Yes ma'am. Enjoy your dinner." They were both so young and green, too young to be going off to War.

"What did you do before the War, Lieutenant?"

"Call me Rick, please ma'am. I was a mechanic. What did you do?"

"My name is Blue. I was a secretary. I hated it." She smiled in spite of herself.

"And now you're stuck doing the same thing?"

"Actually, now I'm a translator most of the time. I speak fluent French and German. I really wanted to fight."

She meant it, he realized. "I hear they have women in the maquis." He said, half teasingly.

"If I ever get to France, I may join them." _She_ wasn't kidding.

He asked her if she'd had to come a long way to meet him, and she told him about their trip with the kid who couldn't drive and their guard who had an empty rifle. They both ended up laughing, and after that, they just had a pleasant dinner.

"I'm sorry, I just can't manage stairs." He said, "I need to find someone to walk you to your door.

"I'm fine. Thank you for meeting me." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Promise me you won't drink anymore."

"Ma'am -"

"Promise me you won't drink anymore, _tonight."_ She amended.

He nodded slowly. "I'm sure your husband loved you very much. Good night."

Blue didn't know how she made it up the stairs without collapsing. The minute she locked the door behind her, she slid down in the floor and started sobbing. She would have given _anything_ to have Danny back, missing leg or not. Poor Rick's fool of a wife had no idea what she'd done.

Alex and Bill had an enjoyable dinner, they just talked about the ranch and the show. Both of them were homesick, she realized. He started to say something about what they would do with the show once the War was over, and then changed the subject. Neither of them wanted to rock the boat. They were both very careful to keep their conversation on neutral territory.

He went and got a jeep, and Alex had to grit her teeth at how easy it was for _him_ to do it. It had taken her almost three weeks to get permission to come and visit him. He just did as he pleased.

When he pulled up in front of Sally's quarters, Alex reached for her bag and was surprised when he put a hand on her arm.

"I wish I'd just asked you to stay home and take care of Mom. Things are fixing to get really nasty, Al." he sighed. "We thought it was just gonna be an easy, go kill some Krauts, deal. A lot of people are gonna die."

"A lot of good men have already died, Bill." Alex said, thinking of her friends who had all lost their husbands.

"Ma couldn't take it if anything happened to you."

"Bill, they don't let me do anything but type and file!"

"I know you, if you get to France, you'll join the damn maquis."

She grinned at him. "At least _they'd_ let me fight. All I'm allowed to do is type _non essential_ documents."

"Alex, take care of yourself."

"You too, Bill."

He drove off before she got to the door, and she idly wondered what she would do if Sally wasn't there. It certainly wouldn't be the first time she'd slept outside.

Sally opened the door in her gown. "Alex!"

"Oh, crap, I interrupted something! I'm sorry!"

Sally laughed. "I was going to bed. WITH A BOOK! I'm so glad you're here!"

She hugged Alex as she pulled her inside. "Where's Worthless?"

"He dropped me off. We actually had a civilized dinner." Alex shrugged.

"I'll get dressed and we'll go grab a drink. I think there might be somebody around that you want to see."

"Who?"

Sally wouldn't say though. She just jumped in her clothes and didn't even bother with make up. She flagged down some MP's in a jeep, and they gave them a ride to the bar.

"Ok, Sally, who's here?" Alex asked, as they struggled to get thru the crowd to the bar. She didn't see anybody she knew.

Then, "Miss Alex!" And she was grabbed and whirled around and hugged, and for a moment she thought the man was going to kiss her.

"Dev? Dev McKenna?" She hugged him back, delighted to see someone from home.

"Hey, Alex." Another voice said, and she looked over to see Bobby Whisnant, her good friend's Kate husband. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Dev still had his arms around her, like he didn't want to let her go.

"Let's get a pitcher of beer." Sally said.

"It's on me." Alex said, when she felt Dev start to reach in his pocket.

"Bill can pay for it."

She gave him some money, and he and Bobby came back with a pitcher and mugs, and joined she and Sally at a corner table. Alex reached in her purse and handed Bobby a photo of his family.

"I think the boys have grown four inches." He said, his voice husky, "And Kate, she looks good." He swiped at his eyes before he passed the photo on to Dev. "I haven't had a letter in three weeks."

"It's probably stuck in the censors." Sally said. "And no, I don't think that's right. Officers are some of the stupidest men I have ever met."

When Bobby tried to give the photo back to Alex, she shook her head and squeezed his hand. "You keep it."

"Thanks, Alex." The smile reached his eyes that time, and he held the photo the entire time they talked.

"I doubt you want to read about Candace's morning sickness, but you can have Kate's letter too." Alex said, as she handed it to him. She had to fight back tears when she saw how eagerly he reached for it. They should have stayed home. She should have MADE them stay home.

"How's Miss Candace doin'?" Dev asked.

"Kate said she threatened to murder Jinglebob at least fifteen times a day. She's having a really rough time. But don't you tell him that if you see him." Alex warned.

"I guess Kate was lucky, she never had it that bad." Bobby sighed. "I wish Jinglebob would have stayed home with Candace."

"I wish all of you would have stayed home." Alex said sadly.

"Oh, Miss Alex, it'll be fun." Dev winked at her. "We're just gonna kill some Krauts and all go home heroes. Maybe Bill will even give me a raise."

_God, does he really think that?_ Alex was appalled.

"So, Miss Sally, where's your man tonight? You havin' a ladies only evening?"

Bobby asked.

"What man?" Alex turned to her cousin, glad of the distraction.

"I have a beau." Sally actually blushed. "And he had to work this weekend."

"Were you going to tell me?" Alex asked.

"It's new, and I'm scared I'll jinx it."

Dev reached and patted Sally's hand. " He's a real fine man. For an _officer."_

"Thanks, Dev. I think so too."

"It was great to see you, Alex." Bobby said, standing up. "But we've got curfew and we've got to get back. Do you have somebody to walk you home?"

"The MP's will stop and pick us up at shift change." Sally said. "Do you need a ride?"

"Ours is leavin' now." Dev said, standing up too.

Alex got up and hugged Bobby and told him to take care of himself, then Dev wrapped his arms around her and held her. "You take care of yourself, Miss Alex." he said. "You're gettin' too thin again. All us enlisted men sure do appreciate all you do for us."

"You take care too, Dev." Alex whispered.

"Come on, Dev, we gotta go." Bobby said, catching his buddies arm.

Alex sat down, tears in her eyes. When they were gone, she looked at Sally. "How long has he been in love with me?"

"Ever since I met him." At the shocked look on her cousin's face, "Alex, you've always been totally oblivious about men."

"Somebody _else_ is in love with me?"

"The guy down at the garage, what's his name?"

"Benjy? You've lost your mind! He just likes me because I taught him how to put on tank tracks."

Sally just shook her head.

"Well tell me about _your _man." Alex said, changing the subject before she started crying. "He's not –" she stopped herself, horrified, well aware of Sally's track record with men.

"He's a widower. And I stopped dating married men after Bull chewed me out the last time. They're fun, but Bull reminded me that if I was married I wouldn't want anybody playing with _my_ husband."

"Do I get to know his name?"

"No. Because I know you'll check him out. He's tall and lanky and he's very nice looking. And he even has a brain. He's a good shot, a good dancer, and he can carry on a conversation."

"And he's very good in bed." Alex said, teasing her cousin.

"This one's different, Alex. I think I love him." Sally sighed. "Maybe, after the War, I might even marry him if he asks me."

"Wow!" Alex said, shocked.

"Don't you want to settle down and have a couple kids?"

"With _Bill?"_ the horror in Alex's voice got Sally started laughing. She laughed and laughed, until suddenly she just froze.

Alex had her hand on her pistol in her jacket before she even looked at the door. A very drunk Bill, with a woman on each arm, was staggering thru the door.

"I'll kill him." Sally said, furious.

"It's alright, Sally. I don't care anymore." And Alex realized that she didn't. Not at all. It was sad, but it was over. And when the War was over, Bill was going to get some very unpleasant surprises regarding the ranch. He had no idea that his father had left _everything_ to Alex, knowing his son well enough to know he'd gamble it all away. Alex held all the cards. How in the world she was going to divorce Bill and keep her mother in law was beyond her, but she'd figure it out.

Alex stopped the jeep next to Cass and Trish. "Change of plans. I'm afraid that Blue may be going to kill somebody."

"You think that Lieutenant upset her that badly?" Cass asked, as the two of them got in the back seat. They exchanged a "What the heck?" look when both of them saw the rifles in the floorboard. They had planned to go riding.

"Are we helping her, or stopping her?" Trish asked.

"I'm not sure. I just don't think she needs to be by herself." Alex answered.

"Want me to tackle her?" Trish asked as Alex stopped the car at the bus stop where Blue was waiting.

"Come on, Blue, I'll take you wherever you want to go!" Alex called.

"You may not like what I do when we get there."

"We're all big girls and we're off duty. I can call Bill to get us out of jail or the brig." Alex grinned at her. Wouldn't that be a change? Bill would probably wet his pants. She didn't have to worry about her mother in law finding out, and Uncle Bull would just want to know what she'd done. Considering the fact that he'd once lost his Sergeant's stripes for breaking the jaw of a Corporal who was abusing an Army mule, he couldn't really find fault with her. Regulations were just a damn nuisance.

Blue gave her directions and Alex was surprised when they ended up in a residential area about twenty miles from the base. "I'll be back in a minute." She said as she got out of the jeep.

Alex was only a few steps behind her and she gestured for Cass and Trish to stay put.

Blue knocked on the door and a woman about their age opened it. She had on too much make up and Alex could smell booze on her breath. "Karen Brandon?" Blue asked.

"Yeah? I'm Karen." The woman shrugged.

A half a second later Blue's fist crashed into her nose and the woman staggered backwards. "You bitch!" she cried.

"What the hell?" a man in a t-shirt and fatigues came to the door and froze when he saw the revolver in Alex's hand.

"Do you want me to shoot him?" Alex asked Blue, hoping to heck not, but the guy didn't know that.

He put his hands up. "Hey, whatever your problem is, I don't want -" he started.

Blue cut him off. "He's Jody. He's _nobody._ He's not even worth killing." She looked at the woman now sitting in the floor holding her broken bloody nose. "You're a damn fool!" And then she turned and stomped back to the jeep.

"Have a nice day." Alex said pleasantly, as she backed away. She wasn't surprised to see that Trish was standing there with her rifle.

"Are you ok, Blue?" Cass asked worriedly as Alex started the jeep.

They rode for awhile and then Blue started crying. "He's such a good man and she just threw him out with the trash because he lost his leg!" Then, "Do you think I would care if - I lost my husband and my baby! It's not fair!"

"Blue!" Alex reached to grab her, afraid she was going to throw herself out of the jeep, but saw that Cass already had.

"I can't go to heaven if I kill myself." Blue said, sobbing. "And that's the only way I'll ever get to see him again. Oh, god, why does he have to be dead?"

Alex pulled the jeep off the road under some trees, and Trish got out with her rifle and walked part way back up the road. After a minute, Alex followed her. Cass was trying to talk to Blue, and she just felt like she was intruding.

"I'm sorry." Alex said, when she saw that Trish was crying too. "I'm so sorry. My husband is trash, and he's still alive and he'll probably live to be 80. I'm so sorry." She didn't have a clue how to fix this, and she didn't like being helpless.


End file.
